I hate it when people say, “Did you do something stupid?” in that patronizing tone.
I hate it when people say, “Were you going to do something silly?” in regards to self-harm and suicide. Because, no, it didn’t feel silly or stupid when I wanted to die, thinking in my heart of hearts people’s lives would be better if I simply did not exist. It didn’t feel silly when I painstakingly wrote that note apologising to my family for what I was going to do.

Why are people still so ashamed to say suicide? Rather they whisper it like it’s the worst word in the world? They say there is no shame, no stigma regarding Mental Health… yet you still say “Did you do something stupid?”

I really do hate to burst your bubble. A cup of tea won’t make it better. That hot bath you’re running hasn’t got magical powers. You may pat my hand, offer a hug, and smile that mocking smile. There is very little to take away that dark voice in my head that tells me I am ‘nothing’. “I am worth nothing”.

My thoughts and feeling were not “stupid” or “silly”. What was silly, what was stupid was feeling like I had no one to talk to about these bad thoughts that swirled around in my brain like a whirlpool reaching out and drowning my good ones.

The fact I am still here shows you that I didn’t let these thoughts and feelings get to me and pull me down that rabbit hole. So, please don’t call it “stupid” or “silly”, for, if it was, maybe, just maybe, next time you won’t be able to say anything to me again.